Guy self-fanfic 1Guy strode forth for the second time.He had already embarked towards this grassy path, but was stopped by the Oak.He went with him into his decrepit, smelly lab and received the finest of all pokemon: the Squirtle.He walked among the grasses. His Squirtle crushed a few Pidgeys and Rattatas with mighty tackles. Guy leaped from ledges like a retard and walked around to do it again when suddenly he realized, what was the point? He already had the best pokemon. Besides, if he kept battling, he wouldn't be a Squirtle anymore!He returned to the Pallet and ran to the back to hang out at the waterway. As his newbie charge gently squirtled nea
Adam Jensen's Sweet ShadesAdam Jensen sat on his couch, staring at the world through his awesome shades. The world was more like his bedroom, but certainly, it was watched.He could withdraw his shades into his skull and did so, his coolness attribute increasing vastly. They came out and assembled upon his face again, and he was even more cool.He did the glasses thing a few more times, his wickedness increasing each time, until he floated upon a slowly trickling cushion of cool.Some sort of sprite thing was jittering nearby, trying to get his attention. His head turned and looked at it with disbelief. The flesh of his face rolled to express his absolute bemusemen
Equius squatsEquius furiously squatted.Yes, Equius pumped a weight-laden bar into the air as Nepeta looked on from above."Nepeta, fetch me my squatting shoes" Equius said. Nepeta reached over to pick up the shoes, then scurried over to drop them down. Equius slipped into the shoes.Equius looked beautiful.He squatted, the slightly bending bar swiffing through the air at great speed. "More weight, Nepeta" he said. Nepeta tried to pick one up, then activated the robot arms which busily retrieved weights from the catwalk above. Equius paused with each squat as a weight was put on. It developed a curve.Equius thrusted forth through the air, head droo
Dirk mpreg - Part IIIt was Dirk.His little shades glinted in the light of the light bulb. (how did they make it through the… cavities?) Mpreg Dirk looked up as the figure at the door put on shades of his own.It was Dirk from the future.the dude who made the sweet yaois with him, who cared for him all through his pregnancy, was actually himself. It made sense, who else could use such a meaty rod?"Take care of the baby." Dirk from the future said and walked out.Dirk looked down at his little child. But… who was this Dirk? Could he be the original Dirk in his babby form? It could not be known, and as this was not a part of regular Homestuck, it
Dirk mpregDirk's stomach softly gurgled in the dark.Not out of hunger, but out of babby.Dirk was pregnant.He reached down to caress his bulging form. In the dark he laid, grasping his fertilized body. At that moment the door opened. Someone strode inside."I… I think I'm ready" he uttered weakly (and kawaiily).The dark figure didn't respond.The silhouette reached down to drag him through the lit door as he finally succumbed to unconsciousness.***It was so bright…He stirred from his deep sleep. A piercing radiance washed out his vision. Weakly he shook his head. Slowly the waves of fatigue lifted away….Dirk's bishie face
The Way of the Artistthe pursuit of 'style' is meaningless, as if accomplished artists acquired a set of mystical tokens to adorn their works with, as if they punched down weak, sandy dirt walls to unlock the treasure within, beyond golden doors a series of etchings for scrawling upon their creations to find their waythere is nothing behind the dirtthe path of art can only be accomplished by ascending the mountain, by ignoring the dirt and the mud and the (poo,) by ascending to the peak and studiously balancing water pots, shattering stones, and spanking excited monkeys for precisely 3 decadesit is the only waythe only way
daft punkwhen i was little like in 3rd grade daft punk were performing in my townand my 3rd grade mind got me excited and i was like "omg they'll all be actual robots"and i didnt care about my town in the 3rd grade, just robots so i showed up at like this concert thing in my town and i was so excitedand then they were like "DAFT PUNK!!!!"and they were robots!but i figured, what if they weren't real robots? so i threw water from my robot test pitcher at themand they kept working, they didn't shut down or short circuit or anythingthat was the worst day of my life
The Tragedy of AbleismAn upstanding individual strode forth into a local government building.Yes, he did, despite that he knew that it was a cis-, hetero-, American-, and clothing-normative hive of villainy.The great fellow's glorious body posed in the entrance, illuminated from behind by the unprejudiced sun.And then it happened.They were ableist.It started with nearby X-phobics recoiling with pure oppression.Ableism spewed forth from their wriggling, ableist mouths.Ableist hands reached down to shield the eyes of virgin children.Cis-blinded government workers pounded their phones, summoning the agents of the Heterocracy.As the penis costume was
equius looking on in awe as massive turds rain froequius looking on in awe as massive turds rain from a massive herd of aurthors and dirk, uh, has a huge penis I guess while a turd is about to land upon himAmazement burst and sizzled across his brainpan.Yes, Equius was overcome by the canopy of wonders scrawled across the sky; a retarded skywizard's most dumb opus.Heaving, rearing musclebeasts dotted the plains. 10 stories high. Building-sized muscles rippled and ground against each other.The effect was of a sprawling metropolis: population man. Their huge, booming voices blasted across the lands:"hello would you like some tea""crumpets, good sir, some biscuits on the trolley""Eg
Brain-in- brains triptrapping across the fieldsonly the brains were bears, big ferocious bearstearing into the hives that are filled not by honey but by tearsbig, big baby tears cried by a big, big adult manwho had failed to use no-tears shampoo for when he lathered into his hairfor which to cleanse his luxurious mane for his appointment at a fairto audition for the famed star attraction the she-wereferocious teeth bursting out of jaws to mangle the occupants of the fair's center lairthick black hairs, wiggling, worming outmighty nails cracking through wimpy nailsan incredible she-animal screeeeeeechhuge unwomanly muscles, ah, a
The Hovering Brainthe hovering brainthis is what went forth over a blackened and twisting landthe dripping cranial fluids plopped wetfully upon the groundplopplopplopusing its great genius the hovering brain plotted a courseshimmering futures selected and traveled with easeas the brain hovered forth it had satisfaction with its abilities and yet felt great displeasurefor you seein its futureit foretells an enchanting refrain"here comes the turds""plop plop plop""plop""plop"plop
art 2: fuck you, my backoh no, my backoh no, my backaaaaaaaaaaaahsifdhghiosgnospasming on the groundfuck you, my backoh yeah, chickenoh yeah, eggs
hot shithot shit from assarte
I saw god onceHe was asking for a cup of rice. Going door to door, asking for a cup of rice.I asked him, "God, why are you asking for rice? You're God, man!" and he said "being God is hungry business man" and I felt sympathy for him.I figured that giving him a cup of uncooked rice wouldn't be nice so I went to the kitchen to cook some.I was in there 10-20 minutes, struggling with the rice, because you know I'm not very good at cooking rice. I came out with a steaming cup of rice to find my front door wide open and my stereo gone, God nowhere to be seen.So I fumed about this for a while and then I thought that God was everywhere, so I went to the ba
buttI have a theory. The whole of reality is actually a Great Being wiping its butt on a massive universal wall of consciousnesses and life is a metaphor for this. So the consciousnesses that are farthest from the butt experience joyful, lucky lives. The consciousnesses who've been wiped not long ago live average lives. The consciousnesses who've just been wiped and are about to be wiped live crappy lives of frequent misfortune. The consciousnesses who are currently being wiped live lives of struggle and suffering and some people are tortured by serial killers and stuff like that because they're getting poo wiped on them because the Great Being d
The VisitationIn the darkness, a light swiftly moved past the window, sweeping illumination across the room.The young woman didn't react until she heard a strange noise, seemingly very close.After a few minutes, she adventured outside wielding a flashlight. She passed it across the lawn and then walked to the left side of her house, where she thought the noise came from.As she rounded the corner she saw that the side of her property was illuminated by an egg-shaped vessel, its many thin bronze legs embedded into the ground.A trio of beings stood in front of the craft. They were wearing spacesuits, made with what looked like white plastic with dark
The Zerg Storyand there they go the zerg.... HASS the crepmaking drunesplooping down the building thingieszer glingsand the hydradipshitstime fur the ATTACwhat the shutwe cannot-/ make our ambusch ovr lernd.......alright build some bullshotalroght everyboyd... into-> the O V E R L R O D Sand there they gothey're raping the terrearth guys in the A$$!!!!!!! !alright thumperarialy repeld... dutu fucking viking bullshutand ther back.... and now. ultralirsks are invovled. ahahai cant BELIEVE what they made take place
The ReckoningFire streamed through the sky.A soldier strode through the massive piles of debris. He held a rifle branching with scopes and attachments in one hand and a large pistol in the other. His purpled clothing was thick, and heavy metallic armor crisscrossed with straps protected his torso. Pouches encircled each thigh. He stepped up to a man who lay splayed across chunks of building material and shattered concrete."Don't play dead.""well now I'm playing zombie mother fucker!" he said before ripping the flesh from the soldier's skull, tearing off his skull top, and voraciously consuming the contents of his brainpan.
Super Weed Aleptica"bitches ain't shit bitches ain't shiiitt!!!!""bitches ain't shit bitches ain't shiiitt!!!!"That is what his partner screamed into the wind.The driver slapped the back of his head and yanked on him. His partner pulled himself back into the car. This was important. They were carrying enough weed to sink a small continent. A very small continent, floating, with stoners jumping all over it trying to get dat weed.His partner put on his serious face.They were soon pulled over, but they were prepared. The driver was a bit of a mechanic, and he had rigged an apparatus to make a hose mounted by a window spray from canisters most of the weed
Sta.sh
